Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Mood Swings!

Yesterday, as I finished work from home, the lingering melody of 'Aaaoge jab tum O sajana'  hit my ears and nestled in my mind!

Sometimes you hear a song you would rather it did not exist and the tune and lyrics are on your lips all day long and as you hit the pillow the silence of the night strangely weaves the melody of that song, so much so that you wish you could crack open your skull and get those tunes OUT!

But then there is also 'that' song that you would love to hum for days on end, and try out variations in notes like a composer whose non-existent talent will remain within, out of the critical eye, and yet fill you with such satisfaction and feeling of content that the day seems brighter, the night warmer and the feel of your blanket encapsulates you like melting butter on toast!

As I walked out to stretch my legs, the regressive composer in me woke up with a start, and I began to hum Aaoge jab tum...

Oooooooeeeeeeeeeeee Oooooooooeeeeeeee the ambulance screamed past and broke into the melody I was just so beautifully managing to bring together in my head! Someone was critical.. Never mind.

To refresh my senses and to sharpen the edge of my musical talent I began to make tea! Making tea is soothing, you look at the water boil and the tea leaves swirl and the colour change from brown to red to a darker red and then the aroma and with that I began to hum "aaoge jab tum... O"

Shatter, crash crash! The television in the adjoining room announced the arrival of the 'Rakhwala' to save the damsel in distress! Well her need was more than mine to be rescued than to sing.. Never mind.

Grocery shopping can be a delightful experience for the great grand children of Mozart and Bach! It is as Sheldon Cooper states, doing the mundane helps you focus on the more important problem orbiting your brain, like the most suitable notes for the melody you are improvising on! I began to walk towards the store, my steps setting a nice rhythm to "Aaoge jab tum..."

Beeeeeeeeeep Beeeeeeep, some road rash maniac wheezed past me all in a black blur and the voice in my mind began to sound like a fog horn (believe me that never happens to my voice, in my mind of course, out loud.. hmm) and the fog horn just never could match up to the flowing tune! Well, he must have been late for a meeting.. Never mind.

As I walked into the grocery store and shopped for the mundane things we need to live, a hundred salesmen accosted me for various money saving offers which I was only so stupid to refuse! And then as I returned the cash registers rang, someone else honked, babbled and giggled and played cricket and created a jam and shouted and sighed and sweated and complained and clucked and all I wanted was a bit of a quiet to finish the melody and all these activities could not be stopped because their need to be noisy is much more important than mine. Mine, to compose a perfect melody of an already perfectly good song! Never Mind.

That night I went to bed, unhappy! My beautiful, flowing, superior melody still inside me, quiet now, tired of fighting the superlative noises... As I looked out of the window at the bright stars sprinkling the clear winter night my throat choked with rage. In this big world with so much space the air was rent with voices and noises and had no opening for my little melody, my little song - stolen though it was. Perfectly well made maybe - but mine all the same with all the changes I would make and the images that would flash in my mind as I strung note after note.

This world to me, on that starry night was a place of droning with no place for my little, improvised and probably bad melody!

P.S - Sometimes a small wish catches hold of you and being unable to fulfill it makes a big difference only to you and to nobody else! This write up is for those little wishes that have been repressed for ages and will remain so for you and for me.. But the sadness will envelope your heart and we shall term it as 'Mood Swings' for generations to come.